they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize