I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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