Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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