i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
