It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize