saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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