the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
