just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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