it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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