So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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