I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
