possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
