I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
