hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
