I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
