Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
