The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize