im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
