You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
