the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
