We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
