im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
