were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
