we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
