the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
