We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
