they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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