I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
