This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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