I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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