That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
