Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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