getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
