I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
