pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
