I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
