She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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