I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He passed out mid-signature
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
