my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
