This girl is more easily done than said...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
