If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
