I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
