ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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