my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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