Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
