how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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