ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize