My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
