idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
