Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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