I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
