I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
