you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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