I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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