Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
