idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i drank out of a bidet.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
