Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
