Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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