i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
