I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
