Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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