I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
