I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
