Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
