I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
