Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
