Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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