I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You are a genius and a whore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
