im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize