i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
