i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
