God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
