when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
