sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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