I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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