I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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