i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
