my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
