I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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