i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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