as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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