if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
