I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
