the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
