Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
