i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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