i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize