Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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