you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
