So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
