I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We talked him into tasing himself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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