found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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