garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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