i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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