So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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