First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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