I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
