and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize