What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
