just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Houston, we have a blender
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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