you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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