Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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