My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
