I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
