You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
