my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
