your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he puts the penis in happiness.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
