Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
