JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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