This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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