i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
